


Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 126

by crazyoldhermit



Series: Obi-Wan Kenobi: Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit [7]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2016-03-19
Packaged: 2018-05-27 19:01:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6296038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyoldhermit/pseuds/crazyoldhermit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The satirical saga continues of Obi-Wan Kenobi during his time on Tatooine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 126

TATOOINE - Day 126: 

I had two lovely days with Luke. I'm not going to lie and say it was easy, I've never been responsible for a four month old baby before. Luckily I still had his bottle that Owen left with Luke when he abandoned him on my doorstep. With a bit of Force persuasion I was able to convince a wild bantha to part with some blue milk, but not before I mistakenly tried to milk a male. However, that's a story for another time. 

Luke is such a beautiful child. I sometimes forget that he's Anakin's son. Other times all I see is Anakin. This child was born out of such hatred and destruction, that I worry the dark side has left a permanent imprint on him. It's because of this that I decided when he's old enough I'm going to tell him everything. He must know the complete truth if he's going to stand a chance against the evil that could be coursing through his veins. As for now I sense nothing but good in him. He is strong with the Force like his father, but has his mother's kind heart. 

I am also sensing a far away voice in my mind which keeps repeating "Lars." I can almost make out who it is. It sounds so familiar to me. Today is the day I predicted Owen Lars would die of dehydration and exposure. I feel nothing for this man, but that whispering voice keeps repeating his name over and over. My Jedi sense of honor gets the better of me so I strap Luke onto my back and set out in search of Owen.

How did it all come to this? Why am I, and Luke, on this miserable planet? "Split up they should be," Master Yoda said. Bail Organa offered to take the girl, then like a dumbass I asked what would become of the boy. "To Tatooine, to his family send him," Yoda chimed in. That's when I offered to live like a hermit and watch over Luke. Meanwhile Yoda is now probably eyeball deep in twi'lek exotic dancers (a weakness of his). And of course he is the only one without a Skywalker baby! I'm tired of being lied to and manipulated. Palpatine, Anakin, Yoda, the Jedi Council, have all used their powers to get what they wanted. 

As the dual suns slowly destroy my skin cells, I couldn't for the life of me remember why brining Luke to Tatooine was a good idea. The Lars's are not Luke's family. Luke's only living relative is a brainwashed murdering asshole. I am the closest thing Luke has to a family. So everyone can kiss my Jedi ass! I will bring Luke to Alderaan, and the King who only saw fit to adopt one of the Skywalker babies, can hide Luke and I somewhere on his big beautiful planet. I'm not going to play the part of piss-boy any longer. I will raise Luke as I see fit. I will train him and together we will destroy the Sith once and for all. 

Most likely sensing my anger Luke stirs on my back. I return to the moment and my surroundings. That's when I notice a naked Owen Lars sitting in the sand surrounded by a dozen Tusken Raiders. 

Not wanting to risk Luke's safety I let out a Force scream that startled the Tuskens causing them to scatter. As I made my way slowly and deliberately towards Owen, Luke began to cry. Within seconds the Tuskens returned, and in greater numbers. They realized I was not the monster they feared and that my weak spot hung from my back. Owen being a complete coward fell face first into the sand pretending he was dead. The Tuskens moved at me all at once. With my saber lit I deflected their gaderffii sticks, but I knew my defense was off because of my precious cargo. 

I spun like Yoda in an attempt to keep my back from being targeted, but this only caused me to receive a blow to the face and stomach. Knowing that the fate of the galaxy could be snuffed out with one strike to his little head I did a back flip out of the circle of Tuskens, taking off a few of their heads in the process. I Force pushed the remaining ones to the ground and quickly cut them in two. 

"You fucker!" Owen screamed at me. "You almost got me killed!"

I don't remember what happened next, but I found myself standing over Owen with my lightsaber humming as he continued his verbal onslaught. "You're just like Anakin, you Jedi scumbag! How could you leave me here to die?!"

I raised my saber over my head and stated, "Because you don't deserve to live."

As my arms began to swing downward I heard a voice command, Obi-Wan, don't! 

I immediately recognized the voice to be that of Qui-Gon Jinn.


End file.
